May 1998 Horoscopes - Psychic Jim's First Words
This is where it all began. This is Psychic Jim's first set of predictions written in
May 1998 and later published online in January 1999 when the Mystic One figured out how to make websites. As one of the World Wide Web's earliest pages, they have held the internet together ever since. If this page gets deleted, the whole thing goes down. So, that's why it's still here, and still preserved in its original format. It's like going back in time, and it's not at all because he's too lazy to update it.
But that's not all! Not only can you read the original web-based version of these predictions, you can also see them as they were originally published. Psychic Jim's first horoscopes were designed in an ancient desktop publishing application (Corel Print House, if you're into obscure digital relics of the 90s) and printed on sacred A4 parchment. After 28 years in storage, these holy artefacts have been scanned in for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy misaligned text, erratic fonts, and zodiac logos that are weirdly important to some of the predictions!
Click here to view the original printed page (PDF)
PSYCHIC
JIM'S PREDICTIONS FOR MAY 1998
Psychic Jim's first set of
predictions, produced way, way back in the Spring of 1998 were
short, but sweet. And here they are, exactly as they were
originally written, which may lead to some problems because they
did have pictures alongside them, which, of course, with me being
technologically disadvantaged, they don't have alongside them
here. Still, you can always imagine, and if you can't do that,
hmmmm, go watch some television.
ARIES (March 20th - April 19th)
The New Moon, making its monthly appearance,
will trick you into thinking that you are a werewolf. You will
spend your whole day howling and will eventually get arrested for
being a public nuisance.
LUCKY DAY: Yesterday
TAURUS (April 20th - May 20th)
Being a bit of a bullish person, you walk
around everywhere with an earring through your nose. Well, you do
in my little picture. Erm, looking into the future, I see water.
Maybe, sometime soon, you will have a bath, or perhaps a shower.
Who knows?
LUCKY DAY: Last Thursday
GEMINI (May 21st - June 20th)
Now is the time to start preparing for
Christmas. You want to beat the mad festive rush and ensure that
you get all the bargains before everybody else does. You may even
decide to put up your tree and decorations now too.
LUCKY DAY: 32nd May
CANCER (June 21st - July 22nd)
Looking at the tea-leaves at the bottom of my
teacup, I am slightly worried since I made my tea with a tea bag.
However, the tea-leaves have a fascinating story to tell. It's
all about a young girl called Little Red Riding Hood. You should
read it one day.
LUCKY DAY: Not today. Sorry!
LEO (July 23rd - August 22nd)
Are you a lion? If so, how are you able to read
this? Being a lion has both its advantages and its drawbacks.
Okay, so maybe you are the king of the jungle, but when it comes
to being socially accepted, you, as a lion, stand no chance.
LUCKY DAY: You choose.
VIRGO (August 23rd - September
22nd)
The alignment of the planets and stars tells me
that your life is going to suddenly get better in ways which you
cannot imagine. Love, wealth, luck, fame - they are all coming
your way. Hang on! That's not a star. That's an aeroplane. Oh,
well, maybe things aren't going to be so great. Never mind...
LUCKY DAY: Not in the near
future
LIBRA (September 23rd - October
22nd)
Basically, there is nothing that you can do to
improve on your own perfect little life. Nope, nothing, so sit
back and relax and watch the world go by and so on and so forth.
Hmm, I wish I was a Libra. Oh, blimey! I am.
LUCKY DAY: Every day
SCORPIO (October 23rd -
November 21st)
The New Moon will be in your house from Monday,
so tidy up, offer it drinks, biscuits and suchlike and ensure
that it returns to its orbital position with a smile on its face.
You only get one chance to make a first impression, so make the
most of it.
LUCKY DAY: 4th December 2037
SAGITTARIUS (November 22nd -
December 21st)
A wave of optimism will enter your life soon.
What's it doing there though? If it's intruding in your personal
space, tell it where to go. Show it who's boss. Make sure it
knows that waves of optimism are not welcome in your life.
LUCKY DAY: I dunno
CAPRICORN (December 22nd -
January 19th)
You need a change. Whether it's a holiday to
Skegness for a couple of days, or a full-blown sex change, it'll
do you the world of good and you'll eternally thank me for
pointing out your need for change. Well, you'd better thank me.
It'll make me feel much better.
LUCKY DAY: Your 8th birthday
AQUARIUS (January 20th -
February 18th)
If you are anything like that man in the
picture, you are one strange person, walking around in water,
wearing a crown and holding a giant gold fork. My advice would be
to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself: "Am I
mad?" I think you are.
LUCKY DAY: Tuesday
PISCES (February 19th - March
19th)
Sometime this month, you will receive a phone
bill. If your name isn't Bill, you won't get one. For some
reason, you will decide that life is like a box of cornflakes,
and then you'll try to explain why but fail miserably, then
change your mind and decide that life is like a tunnel instead.
LUCKY DAY: 6th June 897 B.C.
SELECT A
MONTH
- October
2000 - July
2000 -
- November
1999 - July 1999 - February
1999 - January
1999 -
- December
1998 - November
1998 - October
1998 - June
1998 - May
1998 -
. PSYCHIC JIM by JAMES ADAMS
(c) Caverswall
Palace Productions 1998
